Several of my single friends have asked me if I can get any guidance on how to meet nice men.  So I asked the angels for some advice!

 

All the women seem to say the same thing.  They just don’t meet the kind of men they want to be with.  They can meet men to have a fling with, but not to have a relationship with.

 

What should they do?  Where should they go?  They all seem to think that being in Ireland is part of the problem because Irish men are scared of women and don’t talk to women unless they are drunk.  Is this true?  Would the women be better off in other countries?  Help!

 

A

 

This is another wonderful question, not least because it is a question that is being asked by a great many people.  You will be interested to learn that these women are not alone in suspecting that they need to be in a different country.  Women in New York and London are saying the same thing, as are women in Paris and Berlin.  It is a universal complaint, this complaint that there are no men!

 

Me

 

You might be joking, but this is serious!  People do want to meet somebody and it is frustrating when they don’t.

 

A

 

May we ask a question?

 

Me

 

You may.

 

A

 

What would you do, if you were in this situation?  If you wanted to meet a man?

 

Me

 

I was afraid you would ask that.  I don’t know!  I think that I would approach manifesting a man in the same way that I approach manifesting anything else.  I would think first of all about how I feel when I think about wanting to meet someone.  I can usually tell by how I feel when I think about something that I want whether I am blocking it by having negative thoughts.

 

A

 

Go on.

 

Me

 

If I experienced any feelings of hopelessness or frustration or anger or anything less that joyful expectation, I would work first of all on the beliefs and on the energy of those beliefs.  For example, I would ask myself ‘What do I actually believe about meeting men?  Do I believe there are no nice ones, or that they are all gay or married or weird?  Do I believe that the gorgeous men would like me?  Or do I think they would reject me for being too old, too fat, too unsuccessful or whatever?  In my case, I probably do think this!

 

When I have put my finger on the beliefs that are causing the bad feelings, I work directly on the energy.  I use my intention to transform and transmute the negative energy into something more radiant and sparkly.  I keep doing this exercise until I feel completely positive about the thing that I want to manifest.  How am I doing so far?

 

A

 

Excellent!  You are doing very well indeed.  What would you do next?

 

Me

 

I would have to think about the type of man that I wanted to manifest.  What would he be like?  How would it make me feel, to be with him?  I generally concentrate on how it makes me feel to have the thing I want because I don’t always know what it is that will make me feel good until I get it.  So I would imagine feeling the way that I want to feel.

 

A

 

Which is?

 

Me

 

I would imagine feeling very relaxed with him.  Usually, good looking men make me nervous and make me worry about how I look and whether they like me or not.  So if a man can put me at ease, he is on the right track!  I also prefer men who are funny and make me laugh, so I would imagine us laughing a lot.  And I like men who are very charismatic, I like men who are their own men, and who are not afraid to stand out and be different from everyone else.  I also like them to be passionate about what they do.  I especially like very talented singers!  I like people who can get on a stage and perform.  I like to admire the man that I am with.  I also like men who are very generous and quite brave.  I like them to be inspiring.  But hang on a minute!  This is not supposed to be about me!  This is about the women that I know who want to meet men.

 

A

 

Indeed.  But if you would indulge us a little further?  Just a little!  Have you met many men who fit your description?

 

Me

 

I have met a few!

 

A

 

And how have these men responded to you?

 

Me

 

Interesting!  They have responded to me very positively.  I don’t know why, but I am very lucky that the men I am attracted to are usually attracted to me.

 

A

 

Why do you suppose this is?

 

Me

 

I think that people are quite often attracted to people who are attracted to them.  Isn’t that the essence of manifesting?  That if you love something you become magnetic to it?

 

A

 

This is true.  When you love something, you do become magnetic to it.  But even when you are magnetic to something or someone that you love, it is possible to be afraid of having this love come too close.  Many of you, as you say, have given yourselves reasons why you might be rejected, why you might be flawed or less than perfect.  When you think of these things, it can feel painful.  Rejection is painful.  And so, many of you protect yourselves from the pain of rejection by refusing to allow love to come too close!  Do you understand?

 

Me

 

I do understand.  I think we want to hide ourselves away in case the person gets close enough to see what we are really like!

 

A

 

And so, even though you are magnetic to those things and people who can love you, you may not wish to be loved.  You may not wish to be seen.

 

Me

 

Is this what the problem is?  When people cant meet a nice man?  Is it because they are afraid that they will be rejected?

 

A

 

Almost always, this is the case!

 

Me

 

So what can people do?

 

A

 

Ask yourself the question ‘What is it about me that I don’t want people to see?  What is it that I am afraid to show?’

 

Sometimes there will be a physical thing, such as thinking that you are too fat or too old.  Sometimes you will decide that you are not successful enough or witty enough or interesting enough or good enough.  There can be all kinds of reasons!

 

Just ask yourself ‘What would I like to change or improve about myself before I present myself to my perfect partner?’

 

Just notice what comes to you.

 

For some people, it is so difficult to imagine being loved and accepted just as they are, without improving themselves that they simply refuse to experience an intimate relationship with another person.

 

Me

 

I think you are right about this.  I know that there are lots of things about me that I would want to fix before I put myself out there!  What can we do about this?  And would it actually change anything, if a woman were to change how she felt about herself?  Would she meet a man?

 

A

 

The more lovable that you can feel, the more familiar love feels, when you find it in others, and the more relaxed you can be with being loved.  The more flawed and unattractive and unlovable you feel, the more uncomfortable you will feel when you encounter love from others and the less relaxed you will feel with being loved, with loving behaviour and loving relationships.  It is very simple!  Relationships, particularly intimate ones, function as a mirror, and show you just how much you love and accept yourself and how much you judge, criticise and reject yourself.

 

Me

 

So if we can become more loving of ourselves, we will be happy to be loved?

 

A

 

That is exactly what we are saying, yes.

 

Me

 

So if a woman wants to attract a loving partner, she just needs to be more loving to herself?

 

A

 

Yes.  Pay attention to the ways in which you reject yourself, as you go about your life.  Notice if you tell yourself that you ‘should’ think, act or feel different to the way that you do think or act or feel.  You will always know when you are rejecting yourself, because you will not feel joyful when it happens, you will feel down hearted and sad or you will feel angry and frustrated.

 

Me

 

And you are saying that this can be changed?  And that it works to change this?

 

A

 

We are most assuredly saying this.

 

Me

 

I think that what you are saying is probably true.  But loving and accepting yourself is easier said than done!  You cant just tell people to love themselves!  You have to give them more help than that.

 

A

 

You are right in saying that telling people to love themselves is not enough.  What needs to happen is that people need to make a decision to love themselves, unconditionally.  And this can take work.  It can take patience and diligence and alertness and determination!  We did not suggest that it would be easy.

 

Me

 

Okay.  Supposing one of my friends makes the decision to love herself unconditionally.  Then what?

 

A

 

As we said, awareness and patience will be required!  She will need to pay close attention to the way in which she is treating herself, from moment to moment.  What is she saying to herself?  Is she kind and gentle and compassionate with herself, or is she demanding and critical?

 

Me

 

If she is demanding and critical, then what?

 

A

 

We would like to add that this advice does not only apply to people looking for partners.  It also applies to people who already have partners.  The more you develop a loving relationship with yourself, the more loving your relationships with other people can be.

 

It is important to remember that you can be gentle and good humoured with yourself while you are learning to love yourself, otherwise this whole exercise can be turned into another reason to criticise yourself.  You need to have a relaxed, open minded and curious approach, rather than a rigid one.

 

Take time, as you move through the day to ask yourself how you are feeling.  Take time to simply breathe.  Ask yourself often ‘How am I treating myself, at this moment?’  It may seem silly, it may seem self indulgent at first.  But we can assure you, it will make a difference to the way in which other people treat you and respond to you.  Love is much, much closer than you think!

speaking suppers

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