This is a conversation that I had with the angels about the horrors of being constantly critical of everything.
My Human Self is very critical of everything, especially of myself.
I know the soul self sees the good in everything.
The soul self does not spend her time mentally complaining about everything in her life.
I have a problem with this!
I seem to have no control over how I am thinking and responding to my world. Quite often, from the minute I wake up in the morning until the minute I go to sleep, I am complaining about everything I see and everything that is happening, and I am automatically criticising and finding fault with stuff.
For instance, I might begin by being annoyed with myself for sleeping late, or for not wanting to get out of bed. Then I will be irritated by little things like the lid of the toothpaste, or hairs in the sink, or dirt on the rugs. I just wont feel good about the day ahead and I will be annoyed with myself for not feeling good!
I go to the same place to get my coffee every morning, and I tell myself that I will be patient and appreciative of the fact that I can afford coffee every morning, but I am never actually patient and appreciative, I am generally in a hurry and I get irritated if they get little things wrong, like for instance if they don’t put enough chocolate on top, or if they don’t stamp my loyalty card, or if they give me a small when I asked for a large cup.
Other people irritate me, too, just by the way they look or the way they look at me. If people are frowning, it makes me frown. I almost always feel guilty for being a bitch and not spreading love and joy to the world. While I am paying, I am wishing the check out person would hurry up because I feel like people behind me are getting impatient with me. By the time I get home, I feel a mixture of frustration and guilt and irritation!
I try very hard to switch my focus, and to notice things that are positive. But I just don’t seem to be able to maintain it for any length of time. Before I know it I am noticing the rubbish on the pavement or I am annoyed because someone is in my way, or any number of small things are bothering me.
I am assuming that my soul self would not act this way or feel this way. I am assuming she would smile at everyone she meets and see beauty in everything and everyone she sees and she would be thrilled to wait patiently and would never be irritated or judgemental. She would light up the world every time she went out. How can I be like that?
Dearest one, you are correct in saying that your soul sees beauty in everything, and that she feels light hearted and joyful, and is appreciative. But you forget to mention that she is appreciative of herself, first and foremost! She sees beauty in the world, but she also sees beauty in herself. And she sees the beauty in all of herself, in her humanity as well as her divinity. She sees beauty in her irritation, in her frustration, in her judgements. She sees beauty in her not seeing beauty!
Your soul appreciates what it means to be a human being. She does not condemn herself for having human attributes. She does not judge herself for these things that you are judging yourself for.
You seem to have decided that your soul has somehow transcended her human self, that she has managed to tame it or control it or even eliminate it, in order to have arrived at a state where she sees the beauty in her world. You are now striving to eliminate those aspects of yourself that you do not like, so that you can become like your soul. Perhaps instead of trying to control and eliminate those aspects, you might consider accepting them, embracing them and honouring them? It is not so easy to be appreciative and accepting of the world around you while you are busily engaged in criticising yourself! Do you understand?
I do get what you are saying. But I am not so sure I can do it.
If you wish to change a habit, you can change it. It is not necessary, in order to change a habit that you master a new behaviour overnight! You can begin with the mere intention to experiment with changing, and work your way up.
You may like to begin by asking yourself ‘How would it be if I noticed everything that I approve of, about my day?’ There is no need to tell yourself not to notice the things that you do not approve of. Simply begin to pay extra attention to those things you like, tomorrow, as you go about your day. If you notice a criticism creeping in, simply acknowledge it and allow it to be part of your experience.
Remind yourself that criticisms are just your way of selecting and identifying those things that bring you joy and those things that don’t, so that you can choose the joyful things more often and more easily.
Another way to experiment with the way that you think, as you go about your daily routine is to practice deliberately sending loving thoughts to the people that you encounter. As you come into contact with people on the street, without having to speak to them you can imagine that you are sending them joyful messages, or perhaps you can imagine that something wonderful will happen to them during the day, something that will bring a smile to their faces. Think of something that you would love, an experience that would bring you joy, and imagine that you can transmit the feeling that you get as you think about it, almost as though you were a radio station, broadcasting joyful feelings. Many of these ideas will seem silly and childish to your conscious mind, but you will notice that however silly they seem, there is a part of you who is already responding with enthusiasm to the ideas, and is already mentally playing with them!
As you begin to practice new ways of occupying your mind, ways that are fun and playful and uplifting to you, you quite often forget to criticise and judge and find fault with what is happening and with the things and the people that you encounter.